The Slayers: World Tour
by lenorex
Summary: A parody-type thing taking place in modern day. The Slayers are a pop band and they're off on tour. ^_^ PG for very mild language.
1. Default Chapter

episode 1

A/N: This is the first part of a series. This one's pretty long, but I promise the chapters that follow are shorter. ^^; To see this story's webpage (with further episodes, info, and a cast list), go to [http://www.geocities.com/lenore_x/slayers/tour.html][1]. If you read, please review! ^_^

------------------------------------------------------- 

Director: Okay, cast, prepare yourself... this will be the strangest episode you've ever done... much stranger than what you're used to.

Amelia: You mean stranger than that time we had to dress up the boys to get into a city, and Zelgadis got a crush on the princess who was really a guy in drag?

Zelgadis blushes.

Director: Yes, stranger than that.

Lina: Even stranger than time Gourry was dressed as a girl, and that guy proposed to him?

Gourry sweatdrops.

Director: Stranger than that.

Gourry: Or that time Lina Dragon-slaved that mountain, and all the ghosts got out and started possessing her?

Lina glares at Gourry.

Director: Yes, stranger than that.

Xellos: Even stranger than that time we all had to dress up as animals to sneak into Joe and Anne's Tower of Dolls?

Lina, Gourry, Zel, Amelia, and Martina shudder collectively at the memory.

Director: Stra- Well, okay, maybe not stranger than that. But strange. Brace yourselves...

****

Messy Minded Productions present...

Lina: Hey wait!

Director: *sigh* Yes?

Lina: Do we get free Coke?

Director: Uh, no, just lemonade.

All: Ah, man!

Director: Come on, guys, it's from our sponsers. At least try to... (trails off)

  


The Slayers: World Tour

Episode One- Series Pemeire

Starring

Lina Inverse, Gourry Gabriev, Amelia Wil Tesla Saillune, Zelgadis Greywers, Xellos Metallium, and Filia ul Copt

With

Rezo the Red Priest as Rezo the Road Manager, Beastmaster Zelas as Booking Agent Zelas, and Martina Zoana Mel Navratilova as Groupie Martina

Special Appearances By:

Zangulus as The Busdriver

Written and Directed by Natalie Detour

In a dimly lit office sits a woman sucking on a cigarette. Across from her is a tall man with pointy, purpley-blue hair and closed eyes.

Booking Agent Zelas: (puff, exhale) Have you made your decision?

Rezo the Road Manager: Yes, Ma'am.

Zelas: (puff, exhale) And?

Rezo: The world tour is and excellent plan. I forsee the sales for the current album will triple.

Zelas: (surprised. puff, exhale) Triple? My, but that's ambitious.

Rezo smirks. Zelas puffs.

Zelas: (puff, exhale) I know the locations already, I only have to confirm them with their respective promoters. But Rezo... (puff, puff) are you sure the band can handle it?

Rezo: Ummmmm....

(cut to hotel room)

The band members Lina, Gourry, Zel, Amelia, Xellos, and Filia are sitting around the hotel room. They are engaged in an argument of which of them are the best musicians. 

Lina: (to Xellos) Quit acting like you're the real talent of this group! You weren't even around when we defeated Shabranigdo at the Grammies last year! 

Amelia: What happened to Shabranigdo? 

Lina: Quit the biz, so I heard. 

Zelgadis: (smirks) Smart move, after that law suit we filed against him. 

Amelia: What law suit? 

Zelgadis' face suddenly darkens and he is silent. Lina quickly fills in: 

Lina: He hit and killed our other band members, Zolf and Rodimus, in his limo. 

Gourry: (laughs) We cleaned him out! 

Xellos: You know he only won those other awards with bribes... 

Amelia: Miss Lina! You guys never told me that story! 

Lina: Mmm-hmm. Then we all decided to take a break... Zel took off to Tahiti, and Gourry and I eventually ran into you, Amelia. 

Amelia: I know the story from there, Miss Lina! 

Xellos: (admiring his nails) I don't know how you guys ever survived without me. 

Zelgadis: (glares) Oh, yes, a keyboard, that's a necessary instrument! 

Xellos: (surprised) Do I detect a note of sarcasm, Zel-kun? 

Gourry: What's a kun? 

Xellos: It's a Japanese name suffix. 

Lina: We're in America, you twit! (bonks him on the head) This is the dub! That's why Zel sounds like Crispin Freeman and you sound like David Moo! 

The audience members scream and scramble to get out. 

Zelgadis: Forget it! (he storms into the other room, where he can be heard playing Humble Pie songs on his guitar) 

Amelia: Poor Mister Zelgadis... 

Lina: He took that way too seriously. 

There is a knock on the door. Creepy music ensues. 

Lina: Yes? 

Voice on Other Side of Door (male): I wish to make a purchase. An item- 

Second Voice on Other Side of Door (female): We just want your autographs! 

Lina and the others look nervously at each other, at the idea of obsessed fans. 

First Voice: ...I have no intention of harming you. 

Second Voice: We just wanna meet you! 

First Voice: And I believe you have a formidable bodyguard with you. 

Everyone looks around. 

Filia: Nope. You must have the wrong band. 

Second Voice: Just give us autographs, damnit! Please? 

Lina: Go for it, Gourry. 

Gourry approaches the door cautiously just as Zelgadis re-enters the room. Gourry opens the door to reveal a green-haired girl. Right behind her is a cloaked figure. 

Lina: Hey! I know you! Daniel Cronin! 

Mr. Cronin takes off running down the hall. Lina runs to the door and leans out. 

Lina: Hey wait! Come back here Dan! We have some questions we need answered! 

Director from behind cameras: Stupid elusive-but-sexy-voiced VAs. 

Zelgadis mutters something about "imposters". The green haired girl laughs a stuck-up laugh. 

Groupie Martina: I'm your biggest fan! Can I- 

Xellos: No, actually, the president of our fanclub is named Sylphiel, and you're definately not her. 

Groupie Martina lays eyes on Xellos and is stricken with infatuation. Then Zelgadis walks into the picture and she gets a crush on him. Then she sees Gourry and likes him. 

Groupie Martina: Like I said, I'm your biggest fan! Sylpheed is a fake! 

Filia: That's _Sylphiel_. We're quite happy with her work, actually. 

Xellos: But every band needs a few groupies along to sleep with! 

Everyone looks at him like he's mad. (which, you know, he is) 

Xellos: Why don't you come along with us for the rest of the tour? 

Groupie Martina: Really?! 

Everyone Else: NO!!! 

Groupie Martina ignores them, squeals with joy, and makes herself comfortable on the couch with Lina's cheetos and the TV remote. Lina, fortunately, seems not to notice. 

Lina: (to Xellos) What are you doing? Why are you letting her come? 

Xellos: (giggles) Sore wa himitsu desu! 

Everyone: _What?! _

Xellos: It means "That's a secret." 

Filia: Why are you still on that Japanese trip? I thought Lina explained this all to you. 

Xellos shrugs, kicks off his shoes, and cuddles up next to Martina on the couch. The remaining band members look at each other hopelessly. 

Zelgadis: I vote we kick him out. 

Lina: You _always_ vote that.

Suddenly Rezo bursts in through the door.

Rezo: Everyone on the bus! Quick!

Lina: What? Why?

Rezo: This show is cancelled. We're going on the world tour.

Lina, Gourry, Amelia, Zel, Filia: What?!

Rezo: Hurry! We have to be in LA by midnight!

The band members scramble to get their belongings together, Martina on Xellos' heels.

Rezo: Roll call.

Everyone lines up single-file and walks by Rezo out the door as he counts off.

Rezo: One, two, three, four, five, six, seven... seven? Who's this?

Martina: Martina!

Xellos: (grin) She's our new groupie.

Everyone sweatdrops.

Amelia: Mr. Rezo, why do we have to be in LA by midnight?

Rezo: That's where our plane is leaving from.

Lina: Why don't we just take a plane from here?

Zelgadis: And how will we get to LA by midnight?

Rezo: (ignoring them) To the bus!

All eight of them run down the hall and squish into the elevator. Once at the first floor, Lina and Gourry rush to the snack bar while the others continue to head for the bus.

Xellos: We have food on the bus!

Lina and Gourry reluctantly leave and follow the others. Busdriver Zangulus is waiting, and once Martina spots him, she is once again stricken with infatuation. Everyone piles aboard, and they're off.

Zelgadis sits in the back, legs and arms crossed, playing Everclear on his discman loud enough for everyone to hear. Gourry even sings along (with the wrong lyrics), much to everyone's annoyance. Amelia heads for Zel's seat and sits next to him, tapping him on the shoulder. He looks at her expectantly without turning his discman down or off.

Amelia: Um... Mister Zelgadis, that's really bad for your ears.

Zel: Hmmm? (leans closer)

Amelia: (louder) I said, that's really bad for your ears.

Zel mouths "what?" looking confused.

Amelia: THAT'S REALLY BAD FOR YOUR EARS!

Zelgadis shakes his head and points at his headphones to show he can't hear. Amelia gives up and returns to her seat. Xellos takes advantage of the situation.

Xellos: (imitating Zel's voice) I want to be weak... WEAK!

No one can help but crack up. Zel somehow managed to hear all this and gives everyone a (literally) stone glare.

Amelia: Uh, Mr. Rezo, where is our plane headed?

Rezo: Hollywood.

All 'cept Zel: _HUH?!_

Filia: Why are we taking a plane from LA to Hollywood?

Lina: I didn't even know planes did that.

Rezo once again ignores the tricky question.

Xellos: I think I know the answer to that!

Everyone (including Zel): No!

Xellos: It's a secret!

Everyone groans and sweatdrops for something like the third time that evening. Gourry is struck with a rare, brilliant thought. 

Gourry: Hey... did we remember to tell Naga and the White Serpants we were leaving?

Everyone is silent, excluding Zelgadis' Everclear.

Rezo: Ummmm...

Filia: Does anyone have a cellphone?

Rezo: Damn.

Lina: This is great! No backup! Who's gonna come to our concerts now?

Rezo: Calm down, we'll just stop at a payphone. Who knows what name she's staying under?

Gourry, Amelia, Zel, Filia, Xellos: Lina Inverse's Greatest and Strongest Rival.

Lina: (grumbling under her breath) Leave her behind.

Xellos: (grins) Hai.

Everyone else: _What?!_

Xellos: It means yes.

Filia smacks him over the head with her bass.

Director: Cut to commercial!

~~

The camera rests on Xellos' hand stirring a pitcher of yellow liquid. It zooms out to show him standing next to Amelia, who is holding a box of "City Time" lemonade.

Amelia: City Time lemonade is my favorite drink! It's refreshing, tastes great, and is complete with an essential vitamin and two minerals! 

Xellos hands her a glass.

Amelia: Oh, boy! (takes a drink) Mmmm, it's... (face distorts) _Ugh! _GAH, Mister Xellos, how much of the mix did you put _in _this?

Xellos: (giggles) Now, that is a secret!

Amelia sets the glass down, gritting her teeth. Xellos turns and runs the other way, follow shortly by Amelia, who chases him off screen.

Amelia: A secret, my foot! I'll secret you!

City Time Lemonade... Always city-fresh!

~~

(later)

Lina, Gourry, Zelgadis, Amelia, Filia, Xellos, Martina, Rezo, and Zangulus are sitting on the plane, waiting for takeoff. Unfortunately, though it would add dramatic effect, none of the passengers are scared of flying (because they are all either able to heal themselves, couldn't care less, or are in lust with other passengers).

Zelgadis: (has switched from Everclear to ZZ Top) What's the holdup? We could have walked to Hollywood by now.

At that moment, the plane begins moving down the runway.

Lina: Finally!

Two minutes later, the plane lands.

Lina: Finally!

Zelgadis: Well, that was exhilerating.

The passengers of the plane deboard. Filia, thinking practically as usual, pipes up:

Filia: Rezo, where's our hotel?

Lina: And how much is the room service there?

Rezo digs around in his pocket.

Rezo: Zelas gave me the name of it... (pulls out a small piece of paper)... Ah-ha! Here we are! Zelgadis?

Zelgadis rolls his eyes.

Zelgadis: Why don't you just record your info in braille?

Rezo: Would you just be a good grandson-slash-great-grandson and read it to me?

Zelgadis: Why should I have to?

Lina: Oh, for pete's sake! I'll read it!

Lina gives Zel the finger before taking Rezo's paper. 

Lina: Uh, Rezo, this is a receipt for XX-large underwear... (sweatdrops)

Rezo turns his favorite color.

Rezo: Whoopsie...

Xellos opens one eye.

Xellos: So where are we staying?

Rezo: I... I...

The manager continues digging around in his pockets but finds nothing. Lina thinks fast.

Lina: What's Zelas' phone number?

Xellos: Now, that-

Lina, Zel, Filia: No one asked you!

Rezo: Er, actually, that was on the same piece of paper...

Amelia: What do we do?!

Rezo: Uh...

Amelia and Martina flip out.

Rezo: Now calm down everyone! What are you so panicked about?

Amelia: We might have to sleep on the streets tonight!

Rezo: That's ridiculous, there's no way I'll let my band sleep on the streets of a city. We have credit cards; all we have to do is use a little of our spending money and find another decent hotel.

Everyone else: No way!

Lina: I work hard for my spending money! I'm not going to waste it on a hotel we normally would get free!

Rezo grumbles something about "spoiled" under his breath.

Rezo: I don't see-

Gourry: Duh, you're blind.

Rezo: That's not what I meant! I don't see that we have any other options.

The group stands in the dark, contemplating some way to solve this problem. Suddenly, Xellos spots a dark figure step out of the shadows and approach them.

Xellos: Mugger!

All: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The group of nine takes off running in the other direction. 

_Will the Slayers be forced to sleep on the streets? Will Lina have to spend her own money? Who is the mysterious shadowy figure? Tune in next week for the exciting _Slayers: World Tour - Episode II _to find out!_

  
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   [1]: http://www.geocities.com/lenore_x/slayers/tour.html



	2. Episode II

episode 2

_Author's Note: Must give credit where credit is due. The marco polo thing is NOT my idea, it came from a list at [Evilgenki][1]... I just had to make it into a story. Go, visit the wondeful Xellos shrine!! Oh, and, no one take that New Jersey crack seriously, I just picked the first state that came to my head. ^^_  
  
Thanks so much for the reviews!! This one's not as good as the last one, so bear with me, because episode 3 is much funnier!

-------------------------------------------------------

Director: Congrats, happy cast, the premiere was great!

Zelgadis: Happy?

Director: Be sure and use that skill tonight, okay?

Zelgadis: About being your pawns?

Lina: Hey, yeah, no fair doing the pawn-thing!

Zelgadis: If anything, we should be happy we at least got to break overnight.

Director: Hey, shut up.

Xellos cuddles up next to the director. 

Xellos: My kinda lady!

Filia: Like that! How'd you do that?

Director: (coughs) And now...

Messy Minded Productions Presents...

The Slayers: World Tour

****

Episode II

Starring

Lina Inverse, Gourry Gabriev, Amelia Wil Tesla Saillune, Zelgadis Greywers, Xellos Metallium, and Filia ul Copt

With

Rezo the Red Priest as Rezo the Road Manager and Martina Zoana Mel Navratilova as Groupie Martina

Special Appearances By:

Zangulus as The Busdriver

Sylphiel Nes Lahda as The Fan Club President

Naga the White Serpant as Naga and the White Serpants

Vrumugun as The Slayers-Hater

Written and Directed by Natalie Detour

_When we last left our traveling musicians, Xellos had announced the presence of a "mugger", sending all nine of the group running (and screaming). Not only that, but the group was torn between sleeping on the streets and spending their own money for a hotel room. Will the Slayers make it out of this with their wits... and their wallets?_

Rezo: Faster! He's gaining!

Mugger: Hey wait! Gourry Dear!

Everyone but Martina stops running. Only one person in the world calls their drummer Gourry Dear, and it's...

Lina, Gourry, Amelia, Zel, Filia, Xellos: Sylphiel!

Lo and Behold, the mugger lowers her hood to reveal their fan club president. 

Amelia: We thought you were a mugger, Miss Sylphiel!

Sylphiel: I'm sorry if I frightened you. I was just thinking how fortunate it was that I should run into you.

Filia: (glaring at Xellos) It's alright, Sylphiel.

Sylphiel: I tried to meet you all at the airport, but I got there too late and was just on my way home when I spotted you.

Martina: (looks pissed) And just exactly who is this?!

Filia: This is our fan club president, Sylphiel.

Lina: Didn't we tell you about her?

Martina: Damnit! Someone who outranks me as a fan!  


Sylphiel: I'm sorry... this doesn't have to be a competition.

Martina ignores her and hangs on Zangulus' arm.

Zelgadis: (muttering) Some fan...

Filia: Fan? Not quite. More like some groupie.

Lina: What kind of fan OR groupie follows the BUSDRIVER around?

Sylphiel: Are you guys in some sort of trouble?

Gourry: Yeah, Rezo lost the name of the hotel we're staying at.

Sylphiel: That's okay! I've got Miss Zelas' phone number with me.

Amelia: Hooray! Miss Sylphiel, you really ARE our biggest fan!

Zelgadis: I agree!

Lina, Gourry, Zel, Amelia, Rezo, Filia, Xellos, Zangulus: Hooray for Sylphiel! Hip, hip, hooray!

Martina: This is just a joke to make me feel bad, right?

Director from behind cameras: Do you really think Zelgadis would shout "hip, hip, hooray"?

Lina: Seriously, though, Syl's been with us since the beginning... even before our Grammy.

Xellos: I think we should _bribe _someone to give us a ride to the hotel. Then we should _bribe _the owners to let us have the pool to ourselves. Then we should _bribe _the cooks to-

Lina: Why do you say the word bribe every time I mention that Grammy?

Xellos giggles.

Rezo: Uhhhhh well anyway, let's get to a phone so we can get a good night's rest.

Sylphiel: I have a cellphone on me. 

A short phone call and bus ride later, the group is getting settled into their room, glad to finally relax.

Sylphiel: Well, everyone, I should be going.

All 'cept Martina: Thanks, Sylphiel, you're a super fan!

Martina grumbles under her breath.

Sylphiel leaves, but alas- the night isn't over yet. Xellos has a little surprise. He pulls out his keyboard.

Xellos: I've been working on a little rap for us to try...

Moans and groans come from everyone else present. 

Xellos: This one's for you, Zelgadis...   
(raps) The name's Zelly G   
and this is how I do it   
I got a Rickenbaker   
and I know how to use it...

Zelgadis: I play a Les Paul.

Xellos:   
(raps) ...gettin' in my way   
ain't a wise thing to do   
I'm one third golem   
and a third Mazoku!

Amelia: What's a mazoku?

Xellos: (grins) Loosely translated, it means demon or monster.

Xellos dodges Filia's bass and Zel's fist.

Lina: Would you get off that Japanese kick already?! We are dubbed. DUBBED!

Xellos: You're missing the point! This could be our next number one single!

Gourry: You have to admit, it is catchy.

Zelgadis: I don't see how telling the nation about my unfortunate predicament through a silly rhyme is even REMOTELY appealing!

Zel reaches for his discman and turns his ZZ Top up full blast while Gourry scratches his head and Martina scrambles for a dictionary.

Rezo: That's my boy.

(the next morning)

Rather than practicing as Filia had suggested, the band members (along with Martina) are relaxing by the pool. Zelgadis is sitting on a chair under an umbrella, and everyone else is paddling around in the water.

Lina: (eyes closed) Marco!

Xellos: (disappears then reappears on the other side of the pool) Polo!

Gourry: (eyes closed) Marco!

Xellos: (repeats) Polo!

Amelia: (eyes closed) Marco!

Xellos: (repeats) Polo!

Filia: (eyes closed) You wouldn't think this game would have lasted so long... I wonder...

Lina: (eyes closed) Marco!

Xellos: (repeats) Polo!

Zelgadis scoffs. The game continues, Lina, Gourry, Amelia, Martina, and Filia swimming around blindly and Xellos giggling to himself.

Xellos: My, Zelgadis, but you're so good at keeping secrets!

All in pool: _What?!_

Zelgadis rolls his eyes but keeps quiet.

Amelia: Mister Xellos, are you cheating?

Xellos: Now, that is a secret!

Everyone mouths the words along with him.

Filia: Stupid raw garbage... (looks around for her bass)

Director from behind cameras: Cut to commercial!

Amelia: Miss Natalie, are we always going to break for commercial when Filia is trying to beat up Xellos?

Director: Less talk, more walk; Come on! We're short on time!

Lina: What do you mean, "less talk, more walk"?

Director: CUT!!

~~

The camera is on Lina, who is wearing floor-length, sleevless lavender dress with her hair in a fancy updo.

Lina: (blushing; clears throat) When I get breakouts-

She is cut off by the sounds of four people laughing hysterically in the background.

Lina: Shut up! (-or-I'll-Dragon-Slave-your-@$$-look)

The laughing is choked off.

Lina: When I get breakouts, I don't want some long-term treatment, I want it to work overnight! (points to a calander where PROM is written in big red letters) My life doesn't go on hold for pimples!

Someone busts up laughing again, and Lina grits her teeth, turning redder than before. A doorbell rings.

Lina: That's why I need the power of Clear & Clean to take care of my acne problems! 

She approaches the door on the set and opens it, where Zelgadis stands, bright red and looking pissed, in a tux holding a flower. 

Lina: (waves to the camera as she takes his arm and walks out) Clear & Clean- fashions acne around your life, not your life around acne!

The camera fades out, and Lina goes to beat up the giggling Gourry, Xellos, Amelia, and Filia, while Zelgadis goes to give the director his thoughts on having to do THIS commercial...

~~

(that evening) 

The band members are nervously preparing to go on stage as Naga and the White Serpants finish up their set. Rezo speaks words of encouragement and helps recover lost instruments. Martina gropes each of the males in turn, much to Xellos' amusement, Gourry's embarassment, and Zelgadis' irritation.

Lina: (gulps from her water bottle) I hate first concerts I hate first concerts I hate first concerts I hate first concerts...

Amelia: (pats her on the back) Don't worry, Miss Lina, you'll do fine!

Lina: Are you crazy?! My voice is horrible at the beginning of tours! Always!

Gourry: That's silly, Lina, you'll do great.

Zelgadis: (last minute guitar tunings) Your warmups sounded normal; this should go smoothly.

Rezo: I didn't decide to manage this band for nothing.

Lina: (smiles weakly) Thanks, guys, but-

Naga: OHOHOHOHOHOHO! Lina Inverse, after an act like mine, you should be humiliated to go on!

Naga and her band have just come off stage, the former ready to trash Lina's confidence. Naga grabs a beer from the cooler and begins guzzling.

Lina: Uuuuuugh!

Xellos: (singing) Who let the dogs out?

This emits giggles or smiles from everyone, even Zel and Filia. Naga attempts to smash her beer bottle over Xellos' head, but he dodges.

Rezo: Okay, band, are we ready?

Amelia: Eeep! Help! I'm missing one of my shakers!

Everyone present, excluding Naga, goes on a mad dash to find it. After a minute, Xellos pulls it out from behind an out-of-use amplifier.

Xellos: Got it!

Amelia breaths a sigh of relief and takes it from him.

Rezo: (frowns) All that should be out on stage. I'll have to talk to the roadies about that... Anyway. Water bottles?

Lina: Check!

Rezo: Picks?

Zelgadis, Filia: Check!

Rezo: Drumsticks?

Gourry: Check!

Rezo: Okay, then, here we go!

Rezo leads Lina, Gourry, Zel, Amelia, Filia, and Xellos onstage. The audience erupts into cheers. Rezo approaches the mike and taps on it.

Rezo: Hollywood, please welcome... the Slayers!

He backs away and goes off stage. Everyone takes their places, Lina in the front. 

Lina: Hello, Los Angeles! How are you all doing tonight?

The crowd cheers in response and Lina signals to Gourry.

Gourry: One, two, three!

The band goes straight into their biggest hit, the Giga Slave.

Lina: (singing) Darkness beyond blackest pitch  
Deeper than the deepest night...

The crowd goes wild, cheering and applauding and moshing. Out of all the noise, however, can be heard one negative cry...

Slayers-hater Vrumugun: (in audience) YOU SUCK!! BOO! (hurls a beer bottle) FREEZE BOTTLE!

The bottle narrowly misses Lina's head.

Vrumugun: BOO!!

Lina breaks into the chorus and the audience sings along.

Lina: (singing) Giga Slave!  
Giga Slave!

Vrumugun: FREEZE BOTTLE!!

He throws another beer bottle, which hits Zelgadis in the shoulder and shatters. He either doesn't notice or pretends not to, despite worried glances from his three lady bandmates.

Vrumugun: GO BACK TO NEW JERSEY!!

Vrumugun's insults are eventually drowned out by the crowd.

(an hour and forty minutes later)

Lina: You've been a great audience! We're gonna close with our first hit, the one you guys made famous... our Grammy-winning-

Xellos: There were definitely some _bribes _made for those front-row seats.

Amelia: Good thing he doesn't have a mike...

Lina: DRAGON SLAVE!  
(singing) Darkness beyond twilight...

The audience sings along.

(later) 

After an encore (during which they had performed Ra Tilt), the band is thoroughly exhausted on their ride to the hotel.

Rezo: Congratulations, guys, your first show was a hit.

Band Members: *snore*

Rezo: Tomorrow, we'll be on the road all day...

(the next morning)

The band members, Groupie Martina, and Busdriver Zangulus are sleeping peacefully in their hotel beds, when suddenly...

Rezo: (burst in through the door)  
HEYEVERYBODYHURRYGETUPWE'RELATEWE'REGONNAMISSOURNEXT  
CONCERTIFWEDON'TGETONTHEROADRIGHTTHISSECONDNOTIMEFOR  
BREAKFASTQUICK!!!

Gourry, Zelgadis, Amelia, Xellos, Filia, Martina, and Zangulus are in shock from being jolted awake so suddenly, but Lina sits calmly up in bed.

Lina: What was that last thing you said?

Rezo: Quick?

Lina: No, right before that...

The rest of the room's occupants see a temper explosion coming and hustle out the door. On their way down the hall, they hear behind them...

Lina: NO TIME FOR BREAKFAST?!?!?!

_Will Lina miss the most important meal of the day? Is the band really late, or is Rezo just a panicky freak? What will become of Xellos' rap idea? And... how will our brave band members survive a boring bus trip? Tune in next week for the thrills-and-chills third episode of _The Slayers: World Tour _to find out!_

var yviContents='http://us.toto.geo.yahoo.com/toto?s=76001078 geovisit(); 

   [1]: http://www.redrival.com/moonbrat/evilgenki/



	3. Episode III

episode 3

  


_ Thanks so much for your reviews! You're all so nice. ^_^  
  
Um, I don't own McDonalds or Master Card. They belong to their respective companies. I usually use parodies on products for the commercials, but I couldn't come up with a parody for "Master Card" other than, like, "Card Master" or something. So don't sue me... _O.o;   
  
_I should probably warn you that I broke a big dialouge rule right after the commercial, the rule of "Show, don't tell." Forgive me. ^^;   
  
And one more thing: The wait for episode 4 will be a little longer, but I promise to post it eventually._ ^^; 

-----------------------------------

Director: Okay, here we go again....

Lina: Damnit!

Director: What?

Lina: First, you force us into acting in your stupid story. Then, once we're actually starting to get _used _to your torture, you abandon us to work on a different stupid story!

Director: Well, if the muse hits...

Lina: *sticks her tongue out*

Zelgadis: *whispering* Be nice, or she'll write more romance fanfiction.

Director: *grins; eyes Xellos and Filia*

Xellos, Filia: *whimper*

Lina: I wish we had a purist as our author.

** **

Messy Minded Productions Present...

  


The Slayers: World Tour

Episode III

Starring

Lina Inverse, Gourry Gabriev, Zelgadis Greywers

Zelgadis: Oh, and I've been meaning to speak with you about how you spell my last name.

Director: Can it wait 'til after the credits?!?****

Amelia Wil Tesla Saillune, Xellos Metallium

Xellos: My name is not Xellos Metallium, you know. It's just Xellos.

Director: TOUGH.****

and Filia Ul Copt

With

Rezo the Red Priest as Rezo the Road Manager and Martina Zoana Mel Navratilova as Groupie Martina

Special Appearences By:

Zangulus as The Busdriver

Some Guy as "The McDonalds Voice"

That Man as The McDonalds Manager

Writen and Directed by Natalie Detour

Last time we saw our heroes, Rezo had informed the band that there would be no time for breakfast. Naturally, Lina panicked, and the remaining group members scrambled to escape.

After dragging their luggage and (the kicking and screaming) Lina onto the bus, Zangulus starts up and drives in the direction of their next destination.

Lina: (wailing) This SUCKS! SUUUUUUCKS! I move for a new manager!

Zelgadis: I second that motion.

Xellos: Now, now, Miss Lina, let's not lose our heads...

Lina: YOUR head is gonna be lost if you don't SHUT UP! I'm tired...

Amelia: Miss Lina?

Lina: ...I'm cranky...

Everyone plugs their ears.

Lina: AND I WANT MY BREAKFAST! NOW!!!

Rezo: Okay!

Lina sucks in another breath of air to scream, but stops.

Lina: What?

Rezo: We'll stop for breakfast. Zangulus, head for McDonalds. (shakes head) Yeesh.

A collective cheer is emitted from the passengers, save the Greywers men.

(five mintues later)

Zangulus pulls up along the curb at McDonalds and opens the bus doors.

Rezo: No, that won't be necessary. Let's just drive through.

Zangulus: Um....

Zelgadis: Rezo, don't be ridiculous. The bus is too big for that.

Rezo: ME be ridiculous? There's plenty of room.

Lina: How would you know? You're blind!

Rezo: I can tell. Now drive.

Zangulus does as he is told and pulls up to the order box. All the passengers crowd up around his window.

Staticy Voice: Welcome to McDonalds, may I take your order?

Lina: TEN EGG MCMUFFINS, TEN SAUSAGE BUISCUITS WITH EGG, AND TEN BACON, EGG AND CHEESE BUISCUITS! ALL MEALS!

Gourry: Double that!

Zelgadis: A large coffee.

Xellos: Hmmm. I'll take a Sausage Buiscuit with Egg meal. And for the ladies?

Lina: HEY! ARE YOU SAYING I'M NOT A LADY??!?!

Xellos: Miss Lina, please-

Zelgadis: Stop yelling!

Amelia: I'll take three Egg McMuffin meals with orange juice, please, Sir!

Filia: I would like a Ham, Egg, and Cheese Bagel meal with orange juice, please.

Martina: And-

Lina: BAGEL MEALS! I FORGOT THEY HAD THOSE! TEN BAGEL MEALS!

Gourry: Make that twenty!

Martina: EXCUSE ME! An Egg McMuffin meal and a Bacon, Egg and Cheese Bagel meal.

Amelia: A bagel meal for me, too!

Xellos: Well, if everyone else is...

Rezo: And I'll have two of everything everyone else has ordered.

Xellos: One more bagel meal for me, please!

Zelgadis is watching all this with great amusement.

Zangulus: And I'll have a couple Bacon, Egg and Cheese Buiscuit meals. Got all that?

(long pause)

Voice: ....no.

Everyone face-faults.

Voice: Well, I'll read off what I do have: (coughs) Twenty-four Egg McMuffin meals, three with orange juice...

Rezo: Twenty-SIX.

Voice: Okay... twenty-three Sausage Buiscuit with Egg meals... twenty-two Bacon, Egg, and Cheese Buiscuit meals...

Zangulus: That's twenty-four.

Voice: Um, twenty-four then. Now, twenty-two Ham, Egg and Cheese Bagel meals-

Rezo: Twenty-FOUR!

Xellos: Twenty-five, actually.

Voice: Twenty-five, one with orange juice...

Amelia: TWO with orange juice!

Voice: Uh, two with orange juice... one Bacon, Egg, and Cheese Bagel meal...

Amelia: Wait! I changed my mind! I want mine with bacon!

Zangulus: So take one away from the ham and add one to the bacon.

Amelia: With orange juice!

Lina: Ah, hell, just give us THIRTY Egg McMuffin meals!

Voice: Thirty Egg McMuffin meals, and one large coffee.

Rezo: FOUR large coffees.

Voice: Does that complete your order?

Martina: Wait! I- 

Zangulus: Yes, thank you.

Voice: Okay, that comes to $312.52 at the first window.

Zangulus starts the bus around the corner, knocks off the "CLEARANCE: 8 FEET" sign and drives under the drive-thru. The top of the bus screeches against it, and everyone covers their ears.

Zangulus: Uh... Rezo?

Rezo: Keep driving...

Zangulus stops at the window, where the order-taker and manager are standing. The manager explains to them, in no uncertain terms, that they simply don't have the one hundred and four meals the passengers ordered. After some debate and Lina's screams, he agrees to give them what food they _do _have for a rough price of $200.

Zangulus screeches the bus up to the second window, where he is handed some fifty-seven bags, five orange juices, and a whole lot of coffee.

Much commotion and complaining is heard from everyone about not getting exactly what they ordered. Zelgadis, the only one satisfied, takes a long, relaxing sip of coffee.

Director: Cut to commercial!

All: FINALLY!

~~

The camera is on Zelgadis, who is wearing a tuxedo and looking pissed.

Zelgadis: Why do I have to wear a tux in TWO commericals?!

Director from behind cameras: Quiet!

Voice: Tuxedo- $300

The shot cuts to Filia, who is wearing a dress and holding her bass.

Voice: Bass- $150

It cuts to Rezo, who is holding a camera.

Voice: Disposable camera- $2

It cuts to Xellos, who is attempting to put lipstick on a very ticked-off Lina.

Voice: Designer Lipstick- $30

It cuts to show Lina, Gourry, Zel, Amelia, Xellos, and Filia (holding her bass), all dressed nicely. Rezo snaps a picture.

Voice: Getting six irate band members to pose in one photo- Priceless. 

Everyone runs away after the picture is snapped.

Voice: There are some things money can't buy. For everything else, there's Master Card. (tm)

The camera fades to black.

~~

(later)

Lina, Amelia, Gourry, Filia, and Xellos are seated in a sort-of circle in the back of the bus. Gourry is in his underwear, and Xellos without a shirt, but the girls are fully clothed. 

Lina: (is wearing most of Gourry and Xellos' clothes) Strip poker is really my game!

Filia: Well, I _did _win that trash's shirt. (points to Xellos)

Lina: Then aren't I lucky you refused to wear it?!

Amelia: (is wearing Gourry's shoes and socks) Miss Lina, I never knew you could play card games!

Zelgadis is watching, but he's backed off slightly since the boys started removing their clothing. Martina is up by the front of the bus, getting further accquainted with Zangulus.

Xellos: (brightens up suddenly) I have an idea.

Lina, Zelgadis, Filia, Amelia: Oh, no....

Xellos: Why don't we play the Sweetheart Game?? (pulls a box and a few notepads out from under one of the seats) I brought it with me in case we got bored. (passes out the notepads and some pencils)

Lina: (taking off the boys' clothes and returning them) The Sweetheart Game? What's that?

Xellos: Well, it's somewhat like the Newlyweds Game, only you just pick cards out of the box! You test how much you know about your sweetheart.

Everyone looks at each other nervously.

Lina: But none of us _have _sweethearts....

They all scoot a few inches father apart from each other. 

Xellos: But we can pretend! Since there's an even number of us, we can have three teams: Zelgadis and Amelia, Gourry and Filia, and Miss Lina and myself!

All: Eh?!

Filia: Don't you mean Miss Lina and Gourry?

Xellos: (frowns) Yes, I suppose. Oh, well. I guess that leaves you with me, Miss Filia! (smiles)

Filia: (shrieks) Forget it, garbage! I'm not playing!

Xellos: (shrugs) Well then, I suppose I can just play host. Alright... now, when your sweetheart is asked a question about you, write down the answer on your notepad! First team... Amelia and Zelgadis!

Amelia looks pleased and Zelgadis looks irritated.

Xellos: (reads off card) Zelgadis, what is your sweetheart's favorite intangible thing?

Zelgadis blushes at "sweetheart" as Amelia scribbles down her answer.

Zelgadis: (hoping she didn't write "Loving Mister Zelgadis") Uh... justice?

Amelia: YES!!! (shows her answer, which, indeed, says JUSTICE)

Xellos: Filia, please play score keeper and give Amelia and Zelgadis one point. 

Filia rolls her eyes but makes a tally mark on the bus wall with a nearby marker.

Xellos: Moving on... Gourry, what is your sweetheart's favorite thing to do in her free time?

Gourry sweatdrops. Lina scribbles.

Gourry: Beat me up?

Lina: YOU IDIOT!

She smacks him over the head with her notebook.

Xellos: Oh, my, Miss Lina, what was your answer?

Lina shows that she wrote EAT.

Xellos: Oh, dear, Lina and Gourry, I'm sorry, but you don't get a point. Moving on! Zelgadis, please close your eyes.

He does so, looking nervous.

Xellos: Miss Amelia, what color are-

Amelia: BLUE!

Zelgadis opens his eyes.

Xellos: Righty-o! A point, please, Filia!

Amelia beams.

Xellos: Now, Lina, please close your eyes.

Gourry: Green!

Xellos: Pardon?

Gourry: I'm supposed to say her eye color, right?

Lina: (eyes closed) My eyes are RED, you moron! (smacks him)

Xellos: I'm sorry, Gourry, but that was not the question. Lina, with your eyes remaining closed, please describe Gourry's outfit.

Two minutes pass in silence.

Lina: A-

Xellos: I'm sorry, but your time is up! Next team! Zelgadis, name an instrument Miss Amelia plays. 

Lina: No fair! Too easy!

Zelgadis: Tamborines.

Amelia: YES! (shows how she has written PERCUSSION INSTRUMENTS)

Xellos: Excellent! A point, please, Filia! Now, Gourry... name an instrument Lina plays!

Gourry fumbles and stutters, Lina looking more and more ticked off by the second.

Gourry: Oh! The trumpet!

Everyone face-faults except for Lina, who pounds the snot out of Gourry.

Lina: I'M THE LEAD SINGER, DOOFUS, I DON'T PLAY ANYTHING!!

Xellos: I'm sorry, Gourry, but that is incorrect. Onward! Miss Amelia, what instrument-

Amelia: The guitar!! A Les Paul Deluxe Sunburst 1969, checked finish!

Zel's eyes get really big.

Zelgadis: Er, yeah. (has started writing GUIT on his paper)

Xellos: Correct! A point for the young couple, please, Filia!

Zelgadis blushes.

Xellos: Now... Lina, what instrument does Gourry play?

Lina: Drums! Ha!

Gourry: Yep! (shows DRUMS in his notebook)

Xellos: Excellent work, Sweethearts! Miss Filia, what is the score?

Filia: Four to one.

Xellos: Next question, then. Zelgadis, what color is your sweetheart's toothbrush?

Amelia scribbles down her answer.

Zelgadis: (blushing) Uh.... I don't... er...

Amelia: Guess!

Zelgadis: (shrugs) Pink.

Amelia: YES!!! (shows PINK in her notebook)

Xellos: Congratulations on your new point! Back to Miss Lina and Gourry. Gourry, what is your sweetheart's _least _favorite band?

Lina writes her answer while Gourry nervously scratches his head.

Gourry: (gulp) The... Spice Sailor Girls?

Lina: CLOSE ENOUGH!!! (has written SAILOR SPICE GIRLS)

Xellos: While I would normally say, "Congrats! Another Point!", I'm afraid I can't let that one count. Now...

Lina, who was ready to glomp Gourry with pride, stops.

Lina: Huh?!?!

Xellos clears his throat, and Lina beats him up.

Xellos: (rubbing his head) Now, Amelia, what is your sweetheart's favorite fast foo-

Amelia: COFFEE FROM MCDONALDS!!

Zelgadis: Mmm-hmm.

Xellos: Wonderful! Filia, a point please. Now, Lina... who is Gourry's hero?

Lina: Wha...?

Gourry scratches his head before writing something.

Lina: He, uh... doesn't have one?

Gourry: Um, no, I actually put... (shows ZELGADESS)

Everyone face-faults... again.

Gourry: I didn't know who else to put!

Lina: Then why didn't you put "none", you idiot?!

Gourry shrugs, emitting a pounding from Lina.

Xellos: I'm terribly sorry! Now... Zelgadis, where is Amelia's favorite tour destination?

Zelgadis: Why is that a question in a card game?

Xellos: (whispering) Just play along.

Zelgadis: I'll have to guess... uh, um...

Half a minute passes.

Zelgadis: ...Paris?

Amelia: ALRIGHT!!! YEAH!! (has written PARIS... HOW ROMANTIC!)

Xellos: Fan-tas-tic! Moving on... Gourry, what is Lina's favorite show on TV?

Gourry sweatdrops.

Gourry: Um... er... let's see... (pause) Oh! Friends!

*SMACK*

Lina: That's YOUR favorite show, you idiot!

Amelia: (looks worried) Miss Lina, you're being awfully violent today.

Xellos: Thank you, Lina and Gourry! Moving on. Amelia, if Zelgadis could change one thing about himself, what would it be?

The entire bus roars with laughter, except for Zelgadis, Amelia, and Xellos.

Zelgadis: What was wrong with card games, anyway?

Amelia: (fights a giggle) That would be his chimeric curse... he'd be human again.

Xellos: I don't even have to ask if that is CORRECT! Now, Miss Filia, what is the score?

Filia: Eight to one, Zel-Amelia.

Zelgadis: Can we stop now?

Lina: No, I have to win! Let's keep going!

Amelia: Yes, Mister Zelgadis, let's! Don't you see that we make the perfect couple?

Zelgadis: Uh....?

Amelia: (looks dreamy) Oh, Mister Zelgadis, we're sweetheart champions! Don't you think so?

Zelgadis: ...no.

Amelia: What?

Zelgadis: No.

Amelia: But-

Zelgadis: Amelia, look. We are not a couple. We will _never _be a couple. I don't like you _in that way_.

Lina: Geez, Zel, no need to be harsh.

Amelia: (looks crushed) But Mister Zelgadis... the game...

Zelgadis: It's just a game, Amelia. It doesn't mean anything.

Amelia: (quietly) Nothing? (pause) It meant something to me... (looks ready to cry)

Lina: Yeesh. Good going, Genius. (glares at Zel)

Zelgadis sighs.

Amelia: (now looks mad) Mister Zelgadis, you're so mean! I-

Zelgadis: Then why do you like me?

Amelia: (yelling) Let me finish! Ever since we met, I've-

Zelgadis: Amelia! Listen to me! I DON'T LIKE YOU. I've never liked you and I won't start from a SILLY GAME! How many times do I have to explain this?!

Amelia turns red from anger. Zelgadis turns away from her and she clenches her fists, looking ready to explode.

Amelia: I... Zelgadis is a closet Hanson fan!

Several people gasp, Zelgadis included.

Amelia: It's true! He owns all their cds, and at night when he thinks he's alone in the hotel room, he plays them! And sings along! I've heard it!

Zelgadis spins around to face Amelia, his eyes wide.

Zelgadis: It... it's...

He attempts to deny it, but his BRIGHT red face tells the truth. Several seconds pass by in silence, no one daring to speak.

Xellos: (sings quietly) Mmmmbop...

Everyone except Zelgadis and Amelia bursts into uncontrollable laughter. She continues fuming and he continues staring open-mouthed.

Rezo: We're here!

The bus rolls to a stop.

What will become of this revelation? Will Zelgadis ever live it down? Will Amelia ever forgive him? Is their next concert going to suffer? Tune in next week for The Slayers: World Tour- Episode IV _to find out!_

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	4. Episode IV

episode 4

  


_Warning: This episode contains an Urban Legend and shamless spoofing of Copy Rezo. Enjoy._ ^_^ _Sorry for any typos; I didn't have a proofreader (other than myself) or spellchecker... but I think I got most of them. Countless thanks for all of your inspiring reviews!_

Director: Hey, Cast, it's that time again!!

Everyone else: Oh, no....

Director: That's right! Time for another fun-filled episode of World Tour.

Everyone else: Oh, no....

Director: Today's script is particularly crazy....

Everyone else: Oh, no....

Director: ...and involves you all making fools of yourselves!

Everyone else: Oh, no....

Director: Hey, shut up. Anyway, to reward you, you get to come with me on vacation next week to a hot, sandy beach in the tropics!

Everyone else: Yay!

Director: And then, when we get back, said vacation will be inspiration for yet another episode of World Tour!

Everyone else: Oh, no....

Messy Minded Productions Presents...

The Slayers: World Tour

****

Episode IV

Starring

Lina Inverse, Gourry Gabriev, Amelia Wil Tesla Saillune, Zelgadis Greywers, Xellos Metallium, and Filia ul Copt

With

Rezo the Red Priest as Rezo the Road Manager

Special Appearances By:

Copy Rezo as Copy Greywers

"That Little Twerp Kid"

Written and Directed by Natalie Detour

__

Last time we saw our traveling heroes, Zelgadis had been insulting Amelia when she dropped the bomb:   
[FLASHBACK]  
Amelia: I.... Zelgadis is a closet Hanson fan!   
[/FLASHBACK]  
_ Shortly thereafter, the bus had stopped in front of the hotel. Who knows what will happen?..._

The band members, still shocked from previous events, gather up their belongings (Lina grabs Xellos' Sweetheart Game and throws it out a window). 

Rezo: Remember, kids, we're on stage in two hours! So it's throw your stuff down and go, agreed?

Everyone mumbles replies. The six band members, walking a careful distance from one another, make their way up to the hotel room and are followed by their manager. Martina and Zangulus, giggling, head another way to their own room.

The Slayers reach the door. Rezo unlocks it and swings it open to reveal...

Amelia: Ugh! Yuck!

Lina: (covers her nose) What is that _smell_?!

Everyone's face distorts.

Gourry: It reminds me of Xellos' cooking.

Filia: Oh, it's _worse _than that!

Rezo: There must be something wrong. I'll go talk to the front desk. You guys get settled in.

Lina: In _there_? Are you crazy?

Rezo: I'm sorry, but we don't have any time to lose.

Rezo hurries off, leaving everyone else looking back and forth from the room to each other.

Amelia: We don't really have to go in there, do we?

Gourry: Why don't we just throw our luggage in and leave?

Filia: But then our stuff would stink! 

Lina: Well, we're changing rooms, anyway. I'd rather sleep in the hall than in there! 

Xellos: I quite agree, Miss Lina.

Zelgadis: This is nonesense.

Everyone looks at him, surprised that he is talking again.

Amelia: (glares) Nonesense, as in the lyrics to Hanson songs?

Zelgadis blushes bright pink and Lina, Gourry, and Filia stifle laughs.

Xellos: (smiling) Now, now, Miss Amelia, you of all people should know that everyone's musical tastes differ.

Amelia doesn't reply, still glaring at Zel. Everyone is quiet, pondering what to do. At last, Gourry shrugs and tosses his suitcase in.

Gourry: We have to put our things somewhere during the concert.

Lina sighs reluctantly and throws her bags in the room. She is followed one by one by Xellos, Zelgadis, Filia, and Amelia.

Filia: Now, shut the door quick, Miss Lina!

Lina does so, and everyone breathes sighs of relief.

Lina: Let's go find Rezo.

She sets off, followed by her bandmates. They meet up with Rezo halfway to the front desk.

Rezo: They'll deal with the room as soon as possible. Right now, though, we have to head to the ampitheatre.

(later)

The Slayers have just performed a very successful concert and are backstage, cooling off. The thrill of performing has taken all their minds off of the stinky hotel room. Rezo stands to face them all. 

Rezo: Well, kids, I'd just like to say that your performance was fantastic. Since we're hopping on a plane tomorrow, we'd better be heading back to the hotel for some rest.

At the mention of it, the band members remember the awful room.

Lina: Did the hotel people fix the terrible smell?

Rezo: They said they would. Don't worry about it.

No one says anything else on the subject.

(15 minutes later)

Lina, Gourry, Zel, Amelia, Xellos, Filia, and Rezo are once again gathered in the hall outside their room. Everyone slowly backs away, save Rezo, who turns the knob. The door flies open.

Lina, Amelia, Filia, Gourry: Ewww!

Rezo: Well, that answers your question, Lina!

Amelia: It still smells gross!

Xellos: And... Oh, dear... that doesn't seem to be the only problem. (points inside the room)

Everyone gasps. Their suitcases have been opened and their belongings strewn across the floor.

Zelgadis: Someone's been in here.

Lina: And they didn't even bother to spray air freshener! (kicks the wall)

Filia: Maybe they were crazed fans!

Rezo: I'll leave you guys to sort things out. 'Night! (walks away)

Lina: Hey, wait! You can't just leave us like this!

But the road manager has already disappeared around the corner.

Zelgadis: But if they _were _crazed fans, how did they get in?

Lina: This is just great.

Zel sighs and enters the room. Xellos, Lina, and Gourry follow him in. After a few seconds, Filia and Amelia join them.

Lina: (covering her nose) I guess we should check to see if anything's missing.

Everyone holds their breath while they gather their belongings together. After about two minutes, Gourry announces:

Gourry: Hey, where are my boxers? The ones with the soccer balls on them?

Zelgadis: Definately crazed fans.

Gourry: (looks crushed) Those ones are my favorites.

Amelia: (past him on the shoulder) Don't worry, Mister Gourry, they'll turn up! And we can always buy-

Filia: (screeches) Half my tea set is gone! The good half! Has anyone seen it?!

Xellos: Oh dear, Miss Lina, I seem to have misplaced that notebook of keyboard music I was putting to your lyrics...

Lina: What?! Oh, that's playing dirty, stealing our music notes!

Zelgadis: And _I _can't find the lyrics you gave me to proofread, Lina.

Lina: Aaarrrghhh!

Amelia: All of my books are gone! And... my TOOTHBRUSH!

Gourry: You can borrow mine.

Amelia: (turns blue) Er, thanks, but I think I'll manage, Mister Gourry.

Lina: Oh, my _cellphone_ is gone!! Why, I oughtta...

Xellos: Hmmm... anyone seen a purple towel lying around?

Amelia: Where is my address book?! Oh, no, I've got all our email addresses and phone numbers in there!

Gourry: Where's my shampoo?

Filia: I can't find my extra bass strings!

Lina: This is... ugh! Where are my sour cream and onion potato chips?

Gourry: Actually, I took those.

He holds up a rumpled, half-empty bag of chips.

Lina: Uh... keep 'em.

Zelgadis: And I've lost-

Amelia: Your Hanson cds?

Lina: Amelia, it's getting old. Let it go.

Zelgadis: Actually, yes, my Hanson cds ARE gone.

Lina coughs. Rezo suddenly barges in through the door. He is followed by... Rezo.

Rezo (the first one): Hey, everyone, look who I bumped into! My twin brother, Copy!

Copy: Hello.

Rezo: He's identical to me, except he can see!

Lina: (muttering) Judging from his fashion sense, I'd have to disagree.

Copy has open, mismatched eyes and is wearing something that looks suspiciously like a dress.

Rezo: We haven't seen one another for years!

Zelgadis: Wonderful. Now I have a great-uncle-slash-great-great-uncle to go with my grandfather-slash-great-grandfather. Just what I always wanted.

Gourry: Woah, you lost me there, Zel.

Lina: Well, Rezo, that's great for you and all, but we've got a big problem here.

Amelia: Someone broke in here and took a bunch of our stuff! 

Filia: _Important _stuff!

Rezo: Great, we'll sue the hotel when we get back home. But right now, I have some catching up to do with Copy.

Copy: Wait a minute, Rezo. I have something to say.

Copy clears his throat and stands to face everyone else.

Copy: My twin brother, Rezo, was born one minute before me. Despite the fact that I was born with sight, and he without, he was destined to become a better man than I. First, our parents gave _him _all the attention. Even though we got the same amount of presents at Christmas, _his _were always better!

Everyone is beginning to sweatdrop.

Rezo: At least you could see your presents. Now let's go.

Copy: (ignoring him) Even as we grew up, he remained more successful. We both went into the field of managing bands...

Lina: _Field_?

Copy: ...but while I jumped around from one-hit-wonder to one-hit-wonder, HE became the steady manager of the second most successful band in America: The Slayers!

Lina: _Second_?!

Copy: And so, to prove that I am better than the origin- er, that is, better than my brother... I command you, Lina Inverse, to choose me as your new manager!

Everyone else: .....

Lina: Um, look, I'm really sorry about your childhood angst and all that, but we have a REAL problem on our hands. So could you guys leave already?!

Copy: (shrugs) Whatever. Hey, Rez, know any good bars around here?

Rezo: (grins) Do I!

Rezo exits the room, followed by Copy. Just before Copy disappears through the doorway, he turns his head back around and makes a face. 

Copy: Geez, it smells really bad in here. 

He turns back around and leaves.

Director: Cut to commercial!

~~

The camera is on Filia, who is dressed in a business suit with her hair done up tightly. She holds up a bottle of Herb Essences shampoo.

Filia: When I want a totally organic experience, I open up a bottle of Herb Essences! (opens the bottle and takes a wiff, then closes her eyes) (singing) I've got the urge!

Gourry, Zelgadis, Xellos: (enter, singing) She's got the urge to Herbs...

Filia sits down in a chair as the guys start taking down her hair. She opens her eyes and notices...

Filia: AHH!!! GARBAGE!!! Get away! Don't touch my hair!

Xellos looks offended and storms off. 

Director from behind cameras: Stay with the SCRIPT!

Gourry, Zelgadis: She's got the urge...

They wash her hair with the shampoo, Zel looking even angrier than he did in his last two commercials. Gourry and Filia are blushing but attempting to stay in character.

The camera cuts to Filia, who is once again in her business suit. Her hair is now wet and mangled with stray shampoo bubbles still in it.

Filia: Pick up a bottle of Herb Essences today!

~~

(five minutes later)

Amelia: You know, I figured that after we were in here for a little while, that smell would fade... but it hasn't!

Lina: You're right. I'm not used to it at all.

Gourry: Me neither.

Filia: It smells sort of... hmmm... I can't quite put my finger on it.

Lina: It smells like dead animal.

Xellos: Or... dead _human_.

Everyone stares at him.

Xellos: Haven't any of you heard those stories about the funny-smelling hotel rooms?

Lina: I don't think "funny-smelling" can quite describe what's going on in here, pal!

Amelia: I haven't, Mister Xellos! Tell us!

Zelgadis: I smell an Urban Legend coming on.

Gourry: I just smell dead fish.

Lina: Look, Xellos, maybe it's not a great idea to be telling Amelia scary stories...

Amelia: Miss Lina, I can handle it. Go on, Mister Xellos, tell!

Xellos: (shrugs) Well, there have been several reported cases of this, with complete names and locations, so it's very likely to be true. Take the incident that happened to Luke and Marie Jonstone in Honolulu, Hawaii... 

"Luke and Marie had just been married in their home state of New York, and were looking forward to a relaxing honeymoon in a tropical paradise. After getting the key to their hotel room, however, their spirits were dampened when they opened the door. A foul smell came from the bed, so strong and awful that they couldn't bear it. The not-so-happy couple rushed to the front desk to complain, upset that their lovely day might be stained were the room not taken care of. 

"The manager assured the Jonstones that he would see to the odor immedietly, and even offered them a free gift certificate to the fanciest restaurant in town. 'Have a wonderful evening,' he told them. 'The room will be good as new when you return.'

"And so they did so... after a few hours of fine dining, the lovebirds returned to their suite. Whey they opened the door, they were pleased to find that the room smelled like fresh flowers. As the night wore on, however, the terrible stench faded back... Luke and Marie didn't even notice, as they were sound asleep. 

"The next morning, after the two had checked out, a maid came to change the sheets. She lifted up the mattress to find the bed hollowed out, and inside of it was....

"A three-day old body."

There is a pause after he finishes. Everyone stares at each other, then at the beds.

Xellos: (looks happy) So, who wants to check?

Filia: Ch-ch-check what?

Xellos: To see if there's a dead body in the bed!

Nobody moves for a minute.

Zelgadis: Just to end this nonesense, _I'll _do it. I'll prove it's just a story.

Zel walks to the closest bed and lifts up the mattress.

Zelgadis: See? Nothing.

He sits back down on the floor.

Gourry: But Zel, you didn't check the other bed. (points to it)

Lina: Yeah, and that side of the room smells worse, too.

Zelgadis looks hesitant, but stands and heads over to it. 

Zelgadis: I can't believe how ridiculous you're all being about this. (lifts up the mattress) Nothing again.

He sits down again.

Amelia: Hey, Mister Xellos, do you know any other scary stories like that?

Xellos: Why, yes, I do!

Everyone, who had previously been sitting on the floor amidst the mess, gathers around him. Xellos spends the next hour telling Urband Legends, including, "Bar and Grill", "Drip, Drip, Drip", and that one about the guy who hides in the back seats of cars. Amelia looks more and more tense with each story, until...

Xellos: And written on the mirror, in her roommate's blood, were the words, "Aren't you glad you didn't turn on the light?"

Amelia goes pale.

Amelia: Whe.... AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Lina: (plugs her ears) Nice going, Xellos.

Everyone except Xellos is clearly very freaked out, but trying to hide it. Xellos looks pleased with himself.

Zelgadis: Okay, so we've managed to terrify Amelia, but we haven't exactly solved our problem.

Lina: In a situation like this, there's only one thing we can do.

Xellos: Rent a keg and get drunk?

Lina: ...well, actually, I was going to say "Beat up the hotel manager," but I like that better. Where's the phone book?

(two hours later) 

Everyone is drunk off their butts (Xellos probably isn't, but he's acting like it anyway). The Urban Legends are long forgotton, but storytelling continues...

Amelia: (to Filia, slurring) ...and the cowwen... the cow went, "BARK!!"

Filia falls off of her chair, laughing.

Lina: (slurring) Mmmm'gay... igotta puke... who wansta 'old my hair back?

Gourry, Zelgadis, Xellos: (bumping into things) Me!

They trip over each other and end up in a pile on the floor.

Lina: Ferget it! I'll get ME ta do it! (stumbles into the bathroom)

Filia: (slurring) Xe... Xelloz! (stumbles over to him) The Lina... Miz Lina told me ta tell me that you're... (shuts her eyes and waves her arm around) a toad!

Xellos: (slurring) The warty kind?

Filia: No. Yes! No. No.

Xellos: Well, you can tell this LINA that I, fersonally, called you a toad, too!

Gourry: (too Zelgadis, also slurring) Can 'oo take me home? I can't drink when I've drived this much.

Zelgadis: (also slurring) No, I won't take you 'ome, Dummy! We live here!

Amelia: Mister Zelgadis, friendz don let friendz drive drunk!

Zelgadis: (looks outraged) What did you just call me?!

Lina comes out of the bathroom.

Lina: Who wansta go with me to tha gas station?

Amelia: I do!

Filia, who has been pulling Xellos' hair and making him yelp, passes out.

Amelia: (gasps) Mister Filia!

Xellos lays Filia on her back and crosses her arms over her chest, much the way someone does to a dead person in a coffin.

Xellos: She'll be fine.

Lina: She'll better be, or I'll... (shakes her fist at Xellos)

Gourry and Zelgadis, still arguing about why "Drive Drunking" is dangerous, pass out on each other, snoring.

Amelia: C'mon, Miz Lina... (starts to tug on Lina's sleeve) No, nevermind, I'm too hungry.

Amelia stumbles over to the bed and flops onto it, eyes closed.

Lina: Well... g'night, Pillows. (waves to Xellos)

Xellos: Miss Lina, my name is Xellos.

Lina: Yeah, I know. I zaid that, right?

Xellos giggles and Lina climbs into the empty bed. He gets up and shuts out the lights.

(the next morning)

The Slayers awaken to birds chirping, sun shining... and headaches throbbing.

Lina: Ooooh... I think I'm gonna be sick...

Zelgadis: (rubbing his temples) From what I can recall, you already were last night.

Filia: Having a party didn't help at all! We've just woken up to feel terrible. And the awful smell is still here! And it's making it worse! (turns green)

Rezo: (has just entered the room) Good morning, everybody! Sleep well?

Everyone glares at him.

Rezo: I had a fine time with Copy. We talked and played pool until two in the morning! But I trust you all went to bed at a reasonable hour?

Lina: That depends on how you look at it.

Rezo: Well, you can laze around for a few more hours, but we have to be at the airport by four or five.

Amelia: Where are we going?

Rezo: Didn't I tell you? Hawaii.

Everyone perks up (a little) at the mention of this.

Lina: Really? Hawaii? Oh boy!

Gourry: That will be a nice vacation.

Filia: Ooooh, I can't wait!

Rezo: So, is there anything I can get you for breakfast?

Lina: Asprin!

Gourry: Tylenol!

Filia: Pepto Bismal!

Zelgadis: Ibproufen!

Amelia: Advil!

Xellos: Metabolife!

Everyone stares at him.

Xellos: What?

Lina: That's a diet pill.

Xellos: And?

Lina: Er... never mind.

Rezo: Well, I'll be back shortly. (turns to leave, then sniffs the air, frowning) Is it just me, or does it smell funny in here?

He walks out the door, not noticing the thrown, empty beer cups narrowly missing the back of his head.

(an hour later)

Everyone's pain killers are starting to kick in, putting them all in slightly happier moods. Gourry starts to head into the bathroom, but stops. He looks around, then goes back into the bedroom.

Gourry: Hey, uh... does anyone remember us not having a toilet?

Lina: Huh?

Gourry: Well... come see.

Everyone gets up and crowds around the bathroom door.

Lina: Woah. No toilet.

Amelia: Where did it go?

Lina: I know it was there last night...

Xellos: It was there when I brushed my teeth this morning.

Zelgadis: It was there when I took a shower.

Lina: What the HECK is going on here?! First our stuff disappears, and now our TOILET? How do you steal a toilet, anyway?!

She storms over to the bed and sits down. 

Lina: And... WHERE IS THAT SMELL COMING FROM?!

She leaps off the bed, bends down, and looks underneath it.

Lina: I swear, if I... oh.

Filia: What is it, Miss Lina? 

Lina stands up, her face a color that none of her friends knew existed. She claps a hand over her mouth and rushes into the bathroom, only to remember that there is no toilet. She then dashes out onto the balcony, managing to slam the sliding glass door behind her.

Zelgadis: What the...?

He, Gourry, Amelia, Xellos, and Filia head for the bed and bend down, looking under it.

Amelia: Gross!

Filia: Ew!

Xellos: Oh, dear...

Gourry: Yuck!

Zelgadis: Well, Gourry, I guess you were right. It DID smell like dead fish.

The reason being is a large plate holding a rotting, half-eaten fish and a pile of pasta. Everyone stands up, fanning their faces.

Amelia: I wonder if Miss Lina's alright.

They turn to look out at the balcony, and are surprised to see her holding a teenaged boy by the collar of his shirt, yelling at him. They rush out to join her.

Zelgadis: What's going on here?

Lina: This little twerp and his bratty sister have been stealing our stuff! Apparently the door from the balcony wasn't locked. They're staying in the room below us, and they've been climbing up and down! He was just trying to come up with a way to get our toilet down to the next balcony!

Filia: Wait, wait... you actually stole our _toilet_?

Boy: (looks terrified) Yeah... last night when you were asleep, I drained it and loosened the fixtures. When you were getting pills from your manager this morning, I went and got it and drug it out here.

Amelia: But I don't get it... why did you want to steal our toilet?

Boy: ....so I could sell it on eBay.

Everyone face-faults.  
  
_ How will our brave heroes continue surviving crazed fans? How will they survive on a plane for countless hours? And more importantly, how will Hawaii survive the Slayers?! Tune in next week for the fun-in-the-sun fifth episode of _The Slayers: World Tour _to find out!_

-------------------------------------

SPECIAL: _Preview of Coming Events!_

~

Episode V- _Look out, Hawaii! Here come the Slayers! Don't fall out of the parasail!_

"Hey, where's Zelgadis?"

"Whoops. I guess we overdid it a little."

-Gourry and Lina, on burying a close friend in the sand

~

Episode VI- _The interview with Rolling Stone! They'll make the cover! Or maybe that picture in the table of contents!_

"Those stupid Sailor Spice Girls. There's no real talent there. All they do is dress up in dinky little costumes and prance around with their stupid pop music!" 

"But Miss Lina, don't you remember that time we auditioned for-"

"Quiet!"

-Lina and Amelia, at the interview

~

var yviContents='http://us.toto.geo.yahoo.com/toto?s=76001078yviR='us';yfiEA(0);geovisit();


	5. Interlude/Author's Note

Interlude

Interlude

Hello World Tour readers (and, hopefully, reviewers)! Sorry about the delay. I've basically gone from "tune in next week" to "tune in next month!" But I promise the fifth episode is coming along. I haven't lost interest in it; the problem is inspiration. If I try to _force_ myself to write it, it doesn't come out as funny as I'd like... hence, I just wait until the urge strikes, and then it's funnier. ^_^ 

I currently have the next three episodes planned, and I'm aiming to get about ten in total, give or take a couple. Maybe I'll end this season sometime and start up a second season. (A second season might even have an ongoing plot. ^_^)

In short, stick with me! The next episode will be up soon! If you like, you can contact me by emailing me at [][1]lenore_x@punkrocker.zzn.com, (especially if you want a reply,) or you can just leave a review. I LOVE reviews. ^_^ Thank you once again for the ones you've all left me!

   [1]: mailto:lenore_x@punkrocker.zzn.com



	6. Episode V

episode 5

  


_Sorry I took so long!!_ ^^; _I messed with Gourry quite a bit in this episode, although I didn't realize it until I started proofreading. You'll see what I mean._ ^_~_ The whole pool-hunting thing (which I could have made much funnier than I did) is, believe it or not, based on a true story._ XD   
_Once again, sorry in advance for any typos._

Director: Well, after a ludicrously long break, we're back! Aren't you guys excited? 

Everyone else: No! 

Zelgadis: Are you EVER going to stop torturing us? 

Director: Are you kidding? With the great reviews I've got for this story? In your dreams! 

Lina: No kidding. I dream about it every night. 

Director: (sweatdrops) Okay, then. Anyway, would you mind trying to stick to the script today? It's taken me a long time to put together. 

Lina: (looking through her script) THIS thing has taken you a long time?! 

Director: Oh, please. Roll the opening titles!

Messy Minded Productions Presents...

The Slayers: World Tour

****

Episode V

Starring

Lina Inverse, Gourry Gabriev, Amelia Wil Tesla Saillune, Zelgadis Greywers, Xellos Metallium, and Filia ul Copt

With

Rezo the Red Priest as Rezo the Road Manager

Special Appearances By:

"The Lady Behind the Counter"

"The Parasailing Instructor"

Written and Directed by Natalie Detour

In their last adventure, our heroes braved the crazed fans staying in the hotel room below them. They are in great need of a vacation! Fortunately for them, their prayers have been answered. For the innocent citizens of Hawaii, however, it's a different story...

Lina and her fellow band members are in the airport, standing in the boarding line. Rezo, dressed in shorts, a Hawaiian t-shirt, and flipflops is behind them. 

Lina: It's a good thing Martina decided to stay with Zangulus. I think I'd have gone crazy if she was tagging along with us this whole time. 

Xellos: (wearing a lei and examining his ticket) You know, I never realized how much the word "Hawaii" looks like "kawaii". You know, the Japanese word for "cute"? 

Lina: Er... yeah. 

Upon reaching the counter, they each hand their boarding passes to the lady behind it. 

Lady: You six are in rows fourteen and fifteen, and you (looks at Rezo) are right behind them in row sixteen. 

The group files down the gate and onto the plane. While squeezing their carry-ons through first class, a thought occurs to Lina. 

Lina: Wait a minute... why aren't WE in first class?! 

Amelia: Hey, yeah! I never thought of that! Mr. Rezo? 

Rezo: I'm not made of money! What did you want, the five-star suite or comfortable plane seats? 

Amelia: Oh... I see. 

Lina: I don't! Rezo, don't you remember how many copies our second album sold in the _first day_? A band as famous as we are deserves to sit in first class. No, actually, we deserve out own private jet! 

Rezo: You watch too many touring band movies. Now move along, we're blocking the aisle. 

Everyone gives up and heads for rows fourteen and fifteen. 

Amelia: I want a window seat! 

Lina: Me, too! 

They both slide into their respective rows. 

Gourry: You said you were going to teach me how to play card games, right Amelia? 

He sits next to Amelia. 

Zelgadis: I need an aisle seat. 

He sits next to Gourry. Xellos, behind him, slides in next to Lina. Rezo, the next in line, passes them and sits in row sixteen. Filia, behind him, sees that the only empty seat is next to Xellos. 

Filia: (screetches) Oh, I am NOT sitting next to YOU for the entire trip! 

Xellos: (sweatdrops) Miss Filia, please- 

Filia: Please nothing, you piece of filth! 

Xellos: (stands up, looking offended) Miss Lina, I'll find a different seat if you don't mind! 

He leaves row fifteen and heads farther back in the plane. 

Lina: (jumps up) Hey, wait just a minute! Get back here, Xellos! 

Filia makes a "hmmph" sound and sits next to Lina, who sighs and sits back down. 

As the plane taxis down the runway, a flight attendant runs the passengers through emergency procedures. Gourry misunderstands her, however, and thinks the plane is crashing (despite it still being on the ground). After some panic and flying oxygen masks, Amelia manages to convince him that everything is under control, and he settles down. 

(an hour and a half later) 

Lina is looking out the plane window down at the Pacific Ocean. 

Lina: Being up here really inspires me to write a song. I think I'll call it... Levitation! 

She whips out a notebook and starts writing. 

Gourry and Amelia are engaged in their game of Hearts. Zelgadis is holding a hand of cards and reading a book at the same time, clearly only playing the game to humor his companions. 

Gourry: Wait, so how many points do I have now? 

Amelia: Eight, plus the Queen of Spades is fourteen, so that's... twenty-two! You're still winning, Mister Gourry! 

Filia: (sipping iced tea) It's so relaxing up here, with no turbulence. It's like- 

She is cut off by a rather piercing screaming coming from the back of the plane. Lina drops her pencil, Gourry drops his cards, Zelgadis drops his book, and Filia nearly drops her tea. Everyone turns around to see Xellos running towards them. He plops down next to Filia and ducks his head, seeming to be hiding from someone. 

Zelgadis: What was that? 

Xellos: Oh, nothing... 

Everyone knows this is not the case, but they also know better than to try pressing Xellos for information. 

(several hours later) 

The band members, plauged by jet lag but tempted by the warm air, have just thrown their bags down in their hotel suite. Everyone except for Zelgadis is waiting in line for the bathroom, each person with his or her swimsuit and towel. 

Rezo: Now listen, you kids. I know you want to go out and play, but we have a concert tonight at nine thirty, meaning you have to be ready to head for the venue at eight. Is that agreed? 

Everyone else: Yes. 

Rezo: I'm serious about this. Be back here, ready to jump in the car, at eight o'clock. 

Once everyone is changed into their swimsuits, they group together and prepare to head out the door. 

Rezo: Wait! Tell me again, so I know you won't forget; what time do you have to be back here? 

Everyone else: Eight. 

Rezo: Good. Lina? 

Lina: Eight. 

Rezo: Zelgadis? 

Zelgadis: Eight. 

Rezo: Gourry? 

Gourry: Eight. 

Rezo: Filia? 

Filia: Eight. 

Rezo: Amelia? 

Amelia: Eight. 

Rezo: Xellos? 

Xellos: Eight. 

Rezo: Remember that! 

Lina: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's go, guys! 

She runs out the door, followed by her bandmates. They skip the elevator and use the stairs, running until they reach the central courtyard of the resort. 

Lina: Okay, we have two options here. Should we go to the beach, or hang out at a pool? I say beach. 

Amelia: Pool! 

Gourry: Beach! 

Filia: Pool. 

Zelgadis: Beach. 

Xellos: Pool. 

Lina pauses and scratches her head. 

Lina: Um, okay, I guess we can just split up. Amelia, Filia, and Xellos can find a pool, and Gourry, Zel and I'll hang out at the beach. Agreed? 

Everyone else: Fine. 

Lina: Say, does anyone remember what time Rezo said we were supposed to meet for the concert? 

Everyone else: No. 

Lina: (shrugs) Oh, well. Come on, guys! (beckons Zel and Gourry) 

She, Gourry, and Zelgadis turn and run in the direction of the beach. Amelia looks around. 

Amelia: Do either of you two actually know where a pool is? 

Xellos: No, I can't say I do... 

Filia: I don't remember seeing one. 

Amelia: Hmmm.... (frowns) I guess we'll just have to go pool-hunting. Let's go! 

She heads in the opposite direction of Lina, Gourry, and Zel, followed by Filia and Xellos. 

(at the beach) 

Lina: Ah, it's a beautiful evening! Those guys are missing out! 

Gourry: Yeah. What fun is sitting by a pool if you can surf? 

He runs out into the waves. 

Lina: (spreading out a towel) Hey, Zel! Aren't you hot? Why didn't you bring a bathing suit? 

Zelgadis: I'm fine. 

Lina: (shrugs) Suit yourself. 

From out in the ocean, Gourry can be heard yelling for help. Lina squints to try and see him. 

Lina: Looks like he's not a great body surfer. 

She starts applying suntan lotion. 

Zelgadis: Aren't you going to help him? 

Lina: Why don't you?! 

Zelgadis sighs. 

(in the parking lot) 

Amelia: I didn't see any pools. Did you guys? 

Xellos, Filia: No. 

Amelia: (bites her lip) I know! Do either of you have a brochure for the condo? 

Xellos: I do. (pulls it out of his beach bag and hands it to Amelia) 

Amelia: (takes it and examines it) This should have a map, or something. (flips through it) Aha! Here we go. 

She shows the map to Filia and Xellos, who study it. 

Filia: According to this, there's a big pool just over... (looks around before pointing south) there. 

Amelia: But we were just there. Don't you think we would have seen it? 

Xellos: We might as well try again. It must be around here somewhere. 

(at the beach) 

Gourry has returned from body surfing, looking a bit shaken but otherwise alright. Zelgadis sits in a beach chair, reading. Lina is arguing with a beach merchant trying to sell her bracelets. 

Lina: I'm telling you, I can get this same exact one for five dollars at Wal Mart! 

She gives up and storms back to her friends. 

Lina: Some people. Yeesh. (taps her foot) I'm bored, but the water's too cold. There must be SOMETHING interesting to do on this beach.... 

She notices Gourry building a sandcastle (which is turning out as more of a lump). 

Lina: I got it! Hey Zel, are you up for laying in some nice, relaxing, hot sand? 

Zelgadis looks up from his book to give her a strange look. 

Zelgadis: What do you mean? 

Lina heads over to him, grabs his arm, and yanks him off of his chair. 

Zelgadis: Hey! What the...?! 

Lina: Lay down! I'm gonna bury you in the sand! 

Zelgadis: You've got to be kidding. 

Lina: No. Now lay down like a good living sand castle! Hey Gourry, wanna help? 

Gourry: Sure! 

Gourry jumps up and trots over to Lina, who is holding Zel down. 

Zelgadis: I guess there's no point in fighting it. 

Zel, looking unthrilled, lays still while Lina and Gourry work on piling sand on him. 

(outside the front office) 

Filia: I don't get it. We've walked back and fourth at least three times now, and I haven't seen any pool. We're never going to find it at this rate. 

Amelia: We can't give up, Miss Filia! The pool is around here somewhere! Look at the nice picture of it in the brochure. 

Xellos: The brochure doesn't seem to be helping us much. 

Amelia: We can't possibly have covered all ground. Let's keep looking. 

Director: Cut to commercial!

~~

The camera is on Lina, Gourry, and Amelia, who are sitting on a couch, watching TV. They are each holding a Coke. 

Amelia: (voice over) It's the really simple things in life that I enjoy. Sometimes, it's nice to just sit around watching TV with my friends- 

Lina: Hey, Gourry has more than me! 

Amelia: (voice over) -and having an after-dinner snack. 

Lina attempts to take Gourry's cup out of his hand. 

Gourry: Hey! This is mine! 

Lina: You've got more than me! 

Gourry: Only because you drank yours faster than I drank mine! 

Lina: Did not! Gourry, give me that! 

They start wrestling over their cups, and Amelia ducks to avoid getting splashed with Coke. 

Amelia: (voice over) Life tastes good... Coca Cola!® 

~~

(at the beach) 

Lina: Burying people in the sand is a great workout! 

Gourry: It really is. This sure is fun, isn't it Zelgadis? 

There is no reply. 

Gourry: Hey, where's Zelgadis? 

Lina looks down to see only a high lump of sand, but no Zel. 

Lina: Whoops. I guess we overdid it a little. 

She and Gourry begin frantically digging through the pile of sand. 

(near the game room) 

Filia: I'm getting sick of this. Is there anywhere on the resort we _haven't_ been, Miss Amelia? 

Amelia: (looking at the map, troubled) Well, I think there's some places over on the east side we haven't checked... 

Xellos: (looking at the sky) It's getting dark. If we don't find it soon, we'll have to give up. 

(at the beach) 

Lina: (still digging frantically) Zel, Zel! Are you okay? Where are you?! 

Zelgadis: Lina, I'm right here. 

Lina spins around to see Zelgadis standing behind her. 

Gourry: Huh? How did you get over there? 

Zelgadis: (rolls his eyes) You guys don't pay attention. I got up and walked off about five minutes after you started burying me. You didn't even notice. 

Lina jumps up and strangles him. 

Lina: We were worried about you! We thought we'd buried you too deep! 

Zelgadis: (trying to breathe) You probably would have, if I hadn't left. 

Lina: (lets go of him) This beach isn't all it's cracked up to be. I wonder how Amelia, Filia, and Xellos are doing at the pool... 

(outside the massage station) 

Amelia: Where on earth is the POOL?! 

Filia: I'm convinced there isn't one. We've looked all over the resort's property. 

Amelia: (gritting her teeth and twitching) I'm getting really tired of this... 

Xellos: Miss Amelia, there are some places over behind the clubhouse we haven't checked. 

Amelia: Okay, okay. But we'd better find a pool there! 

(at the beach) 

Lina: Nice sunset. I wish someone had told me Hawaii was this boring! 

Zelgadis: If you come out earlier in the day, you can rent boats and go-carts, I believe. 

Gourry: I read they've got waterskiing, too. 

Lina: That's all well and good, but it doesn't change the fact that I'm BORED! 

Zelgadis: Why don't we go try and find the pool? I'm sure it's warm enough to swim in. 

(behind the clubhouse) 

Amelia is holding the brochure clenched in her fist, and looks too upset to speak. Filia looks bored. Xellos rubs the back of his head. 

Xellos: Maybe we should wait until tomorrow, when there's more daylight. Why don't we go see how Lina and the others are faring at the beach? 

Amelia nods silently. 

(on the path coming from the beach) 

Lina: What a ripoff. I was looking forward to a relaxing vacation, and I got this! 

Amelia: (a few yards ahead) What a ripoff. I was looking for a pool, and I got this! 

Lina: Amelia? 

Amelia: Miss Lina? 

Lina's and Amelia's respective groups come face-to-face with each other. 

Lina, Gourry, Amelia, Filia: What are you guys doing here? 

Lina: The beach was boring, and the water was too cold. How was the pool? 

Amelia: Well.... there WAS no pool! 

Lina: What? 

Amelia: Mister Xellos, Miss Filia, and I spent an hour and a half looking for the stupid pool, and we never found it! 

Lina: Oh. Did you check the brochure? There's a map in there. 

Amelia, Xellos, and Filia facefault. Several yards away, a tall, shadowy figure can be seen running towards them. 

Rezo (the shadowy figure): THERE you guys are! I've been looking all over for you! I thought I told you to be ready for the concert at EIGHT! 

Lina: What time is it? 

Rezo: Almost nine! We're late! Come on, hurry! 

Lina: What, are we just going to perform in our bathing suits? 

Rezo: We'll see. Come on, we have to rush! 

(two and a half hours later) 

After a successful but exhausting concert, the band members are in a limousine, heading back to their condominium. 

Lina: (drinking a coke with an umbrella in it) This is great. Rezo, why do we travel by bus? 

Rezo: The same reason we don't travel first class. 

Lina grumbles something under her breath. 

Rezo: So, Kids, we're going to be here all day tomorrow, and we're leaving the morning after that. Basically, you have all day tomorrow to lounge around. 

Zelgadis: Where are we going after we leave here? 

Rezo: Well, first, we're doubling back to San Fransisco so you can do your Rolling Stone interview, then we're headed to New York, which is our last American destination before we go world-wide. 

Lina: There doesn't seem to be any method or pattern to this tour. It's like you and Zelas just got drunk and circled random spots on a globe. 

Rezo: Yes, that's pretty much how it happened. 

Everyone sweatdrops and doesn't say anything more. 

(the next morning) 

Our happy heroes, along with their road manager, are down at the beach. Lina, Gourry, and Amelia are splashing around in the water; Filia is sunning herself; Zel is reading; Rezo is sipping a piña colada in the shade of an umbrella; Xellos is wandering around and "accidentally" kicking sand on random beach occupants. 

Lina: Hey, I've got an idea! Why don't we rent something? Like a boat or a surf board or some go-carts? 

Amelia: I want to rent go-carts! 

Gourry: I vote for a surf-board! 

Lina: Okay, let's head in then. 

She wades out of the water and back onto the beach, followed by her friends. 

Lina: Hey, Rezo! Can we rent some stuff? 

Rezo: Actually, I already rented something I thought you might like. 

Lina: Really? What? 

Rezo digs around in his beach bag and pulls out an fat, white envelope. Lina rushes over and takes it from him, tearing it open. She pulls out six tickets and a small booklet. 

Lina: Pa... Parasailing tickets?! 

Rezo: Have fun! 

Lina looks as though she doesn't know whether to scream or smile. At last, she settles on smiling. 

Lina: Great! Hey, thanks Rezo! 

Rezo: You kids enjoy yourself now. 

Rezo pulls out a tube of blue zinc sunscreen and rubs some of it on his nose. 

Lina: Hey! Gourry, Amelia, Zel, Filia, Xellos! Come on! We've got parasailing tickets! 

Amelia: Parasailing? Cool! 

Gourry: I've always wanted to fly! 

Zelgadis: (sarcastically) Yay. 

Xellos: This should be fun. 

Filia: Isn't parasailing dangerous? 

Lina: Only if you're not heavy enough and you float away. Let's go! 

Lina and her bandmates grab their towels and run down the beach towards the rental house a quarter mile away. 

(an hour later) 

Rezo is sitting in his beach chair, starting to doze off. He jumps awake suddenly, startled (for the second time on this trip) by someone's scream. Only this time, the scream sounds familiar... 

(on a boat) 

Lina: (to the parasailing instructor) Um... Mister? I think Gourry's rope came undone or something. 

Gourry, being the first of his friends to try out the parasail, has started yelling and screaming for help as he floats farther and farther away. 

Instructor: Oh, yes. That does tend to happen sometimes. 

Everyone stares blankly for a few seconds. 

Filia: Well, aren't you going to help him?! 

Instructor: He's heavy enough; I'm sure he'll float back down eventually. 

Everyone sweatdrops and turns around to watch Gourry. 

(at the beach) 

Rezo glances out over the water and spots a figure (unmistakeably Gourry) floating through the air, his rope detatched from the boat. Rezo chuckles to himself. 

Rezo: Those crazy kids...

Will Gourry make it back to land safely? Will the others also, knowing the incompetence of their instructor? Will Rezo ever get some sense into that big, blind head of his? What kind of vacation is this, anyway?! Tune in next week for the sixth episode of World Tour for more on-the-road suspense!!

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